Of Wine bottles and Stones

Besides my desk sits a bottle of wine and a large rock both significant in a long journey of faith and the ongoing process of becoming whole.

Today I want to remember both in how I see the world, and unfortunately aware that I often act without recognizing either.

The wine bottle arrived after a evening of creating a new set of accounts for someone a reworking of the information to show a fuller picture in the hope the person who asked me to do it could keep their job.  It wasn't going well, hubby was grumpy not to have me curled up beside him on the couch, and I kept finding errors in the spreadsheet and a quick half hour job became most of my evening.

My mind drifted into those thoughts of "This favor deserves a bottle of wine or a block of chocolate" a thank you,  when close behind it flashed through my mind

red wine, an image of His blood
forgiveness,
a gift already given, 
payment in full. 

The wine bottle reminds me of the price Christ paid for me, it was a sobering image...one that's unfortunately dulled over time.

I picked a bottle up at the supermarket a few weeks later, cleaned the label off and there is sits... a covenant, reminder, God's grace to me, and His call to show grace to others. I'm still learning the lesson.

At the time I didn't realize that the person I was helping out that night would end up receiving a whole lot more ..and dismiss me far more publicly, with little more than a passing, politically purposeful glance maybe this morning as I pick up the pieces I need to remember the bottle of wine

Paid in full.

Beside it sits a round stone, grey, smooth, hard.  Over time the same person, and those around me started dropping untrue accusations, stones thrown to hurt, to condemn, by those I cared about, by those who knew my innocence, and worked alongside me.  "Let he who is without sin throw the first stone."

Forgiveness

Christ to us, ours when it hurts to love those around you even when they throw stones. Even when their words say more about their fears than your truth... Forgive.

Its been a long journey, as I pick up the pieces again, and add a deeper level of grace into the belonging, caring loving and being loved that is relationship, being part of and belonging to a church.  Trying to recognize truth, repent of my sin, forgive that which has been done to me, and trust that God is still a God who works all things together for good.

Back to an old bottle or red wine, still sitting in the sunlight by my desk, and a smooth round stone. And the reminder to forgive again...

Goodness and God

As I wandered along the lakefront this morning, it struck me that in general I seem to look at the people around me and make a distinct mistake, I instinctively want to see them as good, kind, loving and trustworthy...in short as perfect examples of the goodness of God.

And yet what I was praying through as I walked was the struggle I have see God himself, Jesus, or the Father, as good, loving kind...etc.

I've been assuming that being made in His image we reflect way more of Him than we do, and at the same time considering God though the lens of all those relationships around me, and thier limitations.

I need  to turn what I see right way up. To recognize and grow in the knowledge of the goodness and love of God, and accept the falleness of humanity. To be accepting and graceful to those around me ...and rejoice in, be refreshed with and awestruck by the love of our Heavenly Father.

Job

Job's been my companion this year.

 I got that there was something in the discussion with God, the debate about justice and what Job had gotten wrong, the accusations of his friends, his being tested, his uprightness at the beginning  his call for justice, to argue it out and the final words of God that redirect Job's arguments to His majesty power and wisdom but I've always missed what the point was.

It's not about justice it's about God being right, about God's wisdom, His redemptive grace trumping justice... there is a better way, harder but closer to the heart of God ~ redemption. The Father's desire that all be saved, a desire that we let go of justice in order to allow God to work through us to bring redemption to those around us..deep healing, complete redemption, and at the same time to bring redemption and healing into our own lives.

Justice belongs with the accusations, it is the cry of the human heart that takes us further and further away from God. The difference between listening to the accuser or  listening to the comforter.

Mercy is the way of redemption, the way of the cross, the way of God, the way of living in relationship with Christ.

Mercy continued

This thinking through the concepts of  justice and mercy wasn't new, just the direction it started to take. It started as an essay question a long long time ago An essay comparing mercy and justice, and from memory I put up a good argument for their inter-relatedness... that justice in a way is mercy ...and mercy is brought about by justice.  Maybe its time to admit I got it wrong. Maybe very wrong....

The demand for justice is the recognition of the good and evil, the human need to present a case..and the sense of evil. 

You see, I get that forgiveness is redemptive, not just for me but for the other person, we sin, we hurt each other because we hurt, are scared, are insecure, and God would show His love and heal us - that's what the cross is about. That's mercy...mercy goes way beyond Justice, and well mercy, forgiveness, and grace are God's gifts to us through the cross.

For me, genuine forgiveness is to ask God to go further and grant the healing that those who hurt us need in order to be who God created them to be - literally to bless them in the face of what they have done, ~ redemptive mercy.

In face of the call to bless those who cursed me I needed to set aside my "right" to justice.

Knowing what is right and wrong, is important, doing right not wrong to others is to be upright, but choosing mercy over justice is what God in his wisdom offered us in the Garden, and redeemed for us on the Cross. Its the split between love and law, it is the definition of grace.

 We will always need to set aside my right to justice in favor of God's desire to show each and all of us His mercy, redemption, grace, love ~ in short to give us life. To do so is to follow Jesus, to be renewed in His image, to know His ways to feed once more from the tree of life, and not the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. To be redeemed.

Mercy

I got challenged by a sermon, one that got under my skin, not because I disagreed with the exposition or the theology. That side of it was well done, very well done. It was the context, the accusation that it carried, the demand to forgive, repent, to cease seeking justice and bless those who curse you. In particular the person delivering the sermon.

Every inch of me reared up at the injustice of it all. It was wrong...I had a case, I was falsely accused and it wasn't the first time... its been a long year, a year of growth, working things out, growing in God, recognizing my sin, changing my worldview...and false or at least severely twisted accusations and punishments arising from them. You get the picture...

Only at the heart of it all is the Christian call to forgive, to seek redemption "to seek justice, to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God"

In the face of this all I could feel was the injustice. Receiving justice would make it different.

But this year has taught me heading down the justice track with God never ends well but that was where I was. This year has had a precision screams evil mastermind and God hadn't intervened yet. I guessed it wasn't that I was about to be delivered from it by divine intervention. There was a point, a good, redemptive point.

God doesn't call us to demand justice but to seek for it, to look for it, but along the way to love, to delight in, to be willing to prefer mercy.

We're not home yet

Sin, ok too strong a word, the stuff we do to hurt each other, the stuff we do to put each other down, to put one person over an above another or most likely to protect our own interests.

It divides us, hurts us, ruins our identity and causes us to see others well through its effects not as they are.

What would we think of each other if we could see each other in the light of eternity. When all the mess has been put on the table, healed, when we see each others motives and thoughts for what they were intended to be.

How many of us secure in Christ's love, in His presence would reach out to those we have lashed out at, hurt, fought, or treated badly and simply say sorry. 

Do we really have to wait that long.

The Fear that comes with Silence

Fear, the wrestling not just with right and wrong but with the consequences of doing what is right or maybe speaking the truth.
 
As I've hinted its been a roller coaster couple of years. Enjoying the blessing of finding something that I am good at and growing in it and growing in God.  Until it went wrong  I lost my role at church, a job most people said I did well, and that lovely saying crept in ... don't speak, don't be open, .... that will only will make it worse 

What does it mean when we can't tell the truth. It either means we did something that we are ashamed of, or we are being asked to cover up what someone else doesn't want known. But it eats away at us, at our relationships, at our transparency.


Nothing has been right since the silence came ... literally

 I am poured out like water,

 and all my bones are out of joint;

 my heart is like wax;

 it is melted within my breast;

 my strength is dried up like a potsherd,

 and my tongue sticks to my jaws;

 you lay me in the dust of death.

 (Psalm 22:14-15 ESV)

We need to live, speak and love in the light, to be transparent, to be open... without it there is death to healthy relationships... both in terms of our relationships to each other, and to God.

May you and I be blessed to walk in the light today.