Of Wine bottles and Stones

Besides my desk sits a bottle of wine and a large rock both significant in a long journey of faith and the ongoing process of becoming whole.

Today I want to remember both in how I see the world, and unfortunately aware that I often act without recognizing either.

The wine bottle arrived after a evening of creating a new set of accounts for someone a reworking of the information to show a fuller picture in the hope the person who asked me to do it could keep their job.  It wasn't going well, hubby was grumpy not to have me curled up beside him on the couch, and I kept finding errors in the spreadsheet and a quick half hour job became most of my evening.

My mind drifted into those thoughts of "This favor deserves a bottle of wine or a block of chocolate" a thank you,  when close behind it flashed through my mind

red wine, an image of His blood
forgiveness,
a gift already given, 
payment in full. 

The wine bottle reminds me of the price Christ paid for me, it was a sobering image...one that's unfortunately dulled over time.

I picked a bottle up at the supermarket a few weeks later, cleaned the label off and there is sits... a covenant, reminder, God's grace to me, and His call to show grace to others. I'm still learning the lesson.

At the time I didn't realize that the person I was helping out that night would end up receiving a whole lot more ..and dismiss me far more publicly, with little more than a passing, politically purposeful glance maybe this morning as I pick up the pieces I need to remember the bottle of wine

Paid in full.

Beside it sits a round stone, grey, smooth, hard.  Over time the same person, and those around me started dropping untrue accusations, stones thrown to hurt, to condemn, by those I cared about, by those who knew my innocence, and worked alongside me.  "Let he who is without sin throw the first stone."

Forgiveness

Christ to us, ours when it hurts to love those around you even when they throw stones. Even when their words say more about their fears than your truth... Forgive.

Its been a long journey, as I pick up the pieces again, and add a deeper level of grace into the belonging, caring loving and being loved that is relationship, being part of and belonging to a church.  Trying to recognize truth, repent of my sin, forgive that which has been done to me, and trust that God is still a God who works all things together for good.

Back to an old bottle or red wine, still sitting in the sunlight by my desk, and a smooth round stone. And the reminder to forgive again...

Goodness and God

As I wandered along the lakefront this morning, it struck me that in general I seem to look at the people around me and make a distinct mistake, I instinctively want to see them as good, kind, loving and trustworthy...in short as perfect examples of the goodness of God.

And yet what I was praying through as I walked was the struggle I have see God himself, Jesus, or the Father, as good, loving kind...etc.

I've been assuming that being made in His image we reflect way more of Him than we do, and at the same time considering God though the lens of all those relationships around me, and thier limitations.

I need  to turn what I see right way up. To recognize and grow in the knowledge of the goodness and love of God, and accept the falleness of humanity. To be accepting and graceful to those around me ...and rejoice in, be refreshed with and awestruck by the love of our Heavenly Father.

Job

Job's been my companion this year.

 I got that there was something in the discussion with God, the debate about justice and what Job had gotten wrong, the accusations of his friends, his being tested, his uprightness at the beginning  his call for justice, to argue it out and the final words of God that redirect Job's arguments to His majesty power and wisdom but I've always missed what the point was.

It's not about justice it's about God being right, about God's wisdom, His redemptive grace trumping justice... there is a better way, harder but closer to the heart of God ~ redemption. The Father's desire that all be saved, a desire that we let go of justice in order to allow God to work through us to bring redemption to those around us..deep healing, complete redemption, and at the same time to bring redemption and healing into our own lives.

Justice belongs with the accusations, it is the cry of the human heart that takes us further and further away from God. The difference between listening to the accuser or  listening to the comforter.

Mercy is the way of redemption, the way of the cross, the way of God, the way of living in relationship with Christ.

Mercy continued

This thinking through the concepts of  justice and mercy wasn't new, just the direction it started to take. It started as an essay question a long long time ago An essay comparing mercy and justice, and from memory I put up a good argument for their inter-relatedness... that justice in a way is mercy ...and mercy is brought about by justice.  Maybe its time to admit I got it wrong. Maybe very wrong....

The demand for justice is the recognition of the good and evil, the human need to present a case..and the sense of evil. 

You see, I get that forgiveness is redemptive, not just for me but for the other person, we sin, we hurt each other because we hurt, are scared, are insecure, and God would show His love and heal us - that's what the cross is about. That's mercy...mercy goes way beyond Justice, and well mercy, forgiveness, and grace are God's gifts to us through the cross.

For me, genuine forgiveness is to ask God to go further and grant the healing that those who hurt us need in order to be who God created them to be - literally to bless them in the face of what they have done, ~ redemptive mercy.

In face of the call to bless those who cursed me I needed to set aside my "right" to justice.

Knowing what is right and wrong, is important, doing right not wrong to others is to be upright, but choosing mercy over justice is what God in his wisdom offered us in the Garden, and redeemed for us on the Cross. Its the split between love and law, it is the definition of grace.

 We will always need to set aside my right to justice in favor of God's desire to show each and all of us His mercy, redemption, grace, love ~ in short to give us life. To do so is to follow Jesus, to be renewed in His image, to know His ways to feed once more from the tree of life, and not the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. To be redeemed.

Mercy

I got challenged by a sermon, one that got under my skin, not because I disagreed with the exposition or the theology. That side of it was well done, very well done. It was the context, the accusation that it carried, the demand to forgive, repent, to cease seeking justice and bless those who curse you. In particular the person delivering the sermon.

Every inch of me reared up at the injustice of it all. It was wrong...I had a case, I was falsely accused and it wasn't the first time... its been a long year, a year of growth, working things out, growing in God, recognizing my sin, changing my worldview...and false or at least severely twisted accusations and punishments arising from them. You get the picture...

Only at the heart of it all is the Christian call to forgive, to seek redemption "to seek justice, to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God"

In the face of this all I could feel was the injustice. Receiving justice would make it different.

But this year has taught me heading down the justice track with God never ends well but that was where I was. This year has had a precision screams evil mastermind and God hadn't intervened yet. I guessed it wasn't that I was about to be delivered from it by divine intervention. There was a point, a good, redemptive point.

God doesn't call us to demand justice but to seek for it, to look for it, but along the way to love, to delight in, to be willing to prefer mercy.

We're not home yet

Sin, ok too strong a word, the stuff we do to hurt each other, the stuff we do to put each other down, to put one person over an above another or most likely to protect our own interests.

It divides us, hurts us, ruins our identity and causes us to see others well through its effects not as they are.

What would we think of each other if we could see each other in the light of eternity. When all the mess has been put on the table, healed, when we see each others motives and thoughts for what they were intended to be.

How many of us secure in Christ's love, in His presence would reach out to those we have lashed out at, hurt, fought, or treated badly and simply say sorry. 

Do we really have to wait that long.

The Fear that comes with Silence

Fear, the wrestling not just with right and wrong but with the consequences of doing what is right or maybe speaking the truth.
 
As I've hinted its been a roller coaster couple of years. Enjoying the blessing of finding something that I am good at and growing in it and growing in God.  Until it went wrong  I lost my role at church, a job most people said I did well, and that lovely saying crept in ... don't speak, don't be open, .... that will only will make it worse 

What does it mean when we can't tell the truth. It either means we did something that we are ashamed of, or we are being asked to cover up what someone else doesn't want known. But it eats away at us, at our relationships, at our transparency.


Nothing has been right since the silence came ... literally

 I am poured out like water,

 and all my bones are out of joint;

 my heart is like wax;

 it is melted within my breast;

 my strength is dried up like a potsherd,

 and my tongue sticks to my jaws;

 you lay me in the dust of death.

 (Psalm 22:14-15 ESV)

We need to live, speak and love in the light, to be transparent, to be open... without it there is death to healthy relationships... both in terms of our relationships to each other, and to God.

May you and I be blessed to walk in the light today.

Forgiveness

Sunday morning reminded me that in all things God's work is redemptive, on us and on those whom we interact with.

But it also reminded me that evil, the straight line, on target, thing that takes what is true, beautiful and good and corrupts if before our eyes is real and the higher the stakes the deeper the damage.

Truth

Can be spoken in love to or be a clanging symbol, spoken without humility and compassion.

We can choose to forgive because we want God to take revenge, to pour burning colas on a persons head, or to free us from the pain, or because we are ready to truly believe the best and have God truly bless and restore the other person. To bring into their lives all that He created them to be, to recognize that what is of God is always the best , the most beautiful, the most virtuous, the most good.

It's a matter of the heart, in the face of our falleness and the existence of evil, do we act in Christlike compassion or in human self defense.

The Gift

How many times have we hear Christ's work of salvation compared to a gift, literally a beautiful box in ribbons for us to open and know that we have been forgiven and that we have a way to heaven. That its all ok now.

Lately I've started to wonder if those around me are simply content to worship the gift and the God who gave it without really opening it up and receiving the fullness of what God has given to us thorough Jesus ...

yes our amazing God paid the way for us to be forgiven, justified and redeemed, He certainly opened the gates of heaven for all that believed, He is certainly the amazing creator that made the fish of the sea, the birds of the air and all of that wonderful creation we love to play in.

But what if He wants us to open the box, and receive here and now a realtionship with Him where we are loved, healed, where we are able to work through all the junk and be free to truley love each other ...not "love on" each other, not fake it, not desire each other to meet our needs for love, but to love each other as Jesus loves us.  To be truly transformed into the image of Christ as his followers.... what if the trials and the hurts of this world, the anger that nice Christians, actually all nice people,  push aside and  hide, is our invitation to recognize that we need to talk it over with Him and know His love, His forgiveness and to forgive those that have hurt us both now and in the past.

What if the gift is our invitation to be free to enter more deeply into our relationship with Him.  To praise Him not just for His gift of salvation, but to laugh, rejoice, enjoy and glorify him in all of our lives.

To have the courage to open the box and live in true relationship with Him.'

That heaven is not so much arriving and hoping that we have the right tickets, but getting off the plane and running towards the beloved one that is waiting there for us with open arms in welcome.

I arise today

After a day where everyone seem to be struggling with something ...maybe just the storm and the rain ... I got challenged to think through these lines from St Patrick

I arise today
 
Through the strength of Christ's birth, with His baptism,

Because of Jesus each day we are lifted up with the presence, comfort, wisdom, and love of the Holy Spirit whether we feel it or not.

Through the strength of His crucifixion, with His burial,

Each day we know that there is noting we will experience from each other, or do, that Jesus is not able to heal, forgive and transform though His death on the Cross

Through the strength of His resurrection, with His ascension,

Each day we know that Jesus has written, overcome death, and sits on our behalf in the presence of God the Father, interceding for us

Through the strength of His descent for the judgment of Doom.

Each day we know that there is nothing that death, or the evil one can through at us that Jesus has not overcome, or is not able to handle.

May today be lighter, and your sorrow turn to joy...

Bless and Don't Curse

I'm human, very human, and this whole concept comes hard, ok not quite as hard as it could, but  I always want to work through the wrong, before I get horrified and want to see the good.

But having spent the day, with the Gardener, while we deal with some of the wounds of the last year its become very clear what damage those words can do.  I didn't have to deal with my own words. I'm sure that is coming.  This was dealing with the words I heard as I processed an email over a year ago, words that were meant in love to help, but out of unprocessed anger, they brought heartbreak.

Actually I've had a couple of days of dealing with those dark words ... the damage they wrought may be irreversible. To speak life, to gossip only about the good, and the One who is always good. To give glory to our God in all things, how I wish they were the words I was processing.

Lord help me to do better gong forward, change the habits that you so desperately want to change...that the damage stops and the light and life grows.

Trusting the Gardener

It’s about this time of the year when the roses in front of my desk windows need pruning, not just deadheading so that the next crop of flowers come, but the pruning that leads to reshaping the bush, cutting away the dead stuff and letting what is new grow next season. Only I’m not a great gardener, I’m sure the roses would prefer me to become more skilled.

 It’s got me thinking what would God prune in my life, there’s some obvious stuff, the stuff I want him to take…and have for a long time, but what about the stuff that’s too painful, or to precious, am I willing to let him have that. The stuff that hurts, but I don’t want to go near, or have anyone near… The stuff that is precious, that I feel good about and want to hold onto, but might be getting in the way of growth. I had a couple of long discussions about pruning this week and at the end of the day I’m glad that we are in the hands of a master gardener, not my rather sad, mishandled snips.

 “I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser. Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit. (John 15:1-2 ESV
 

And right below that one

This is difficult; but whatever is wrong to correct is made less burdensome by patience

A really useful thought to carry into the present moment - God is Good ~ always

Encouragement from the homeschool desk

Marking my youngest's Latin, not that he is that young..everything is relevant right.

I came across this sentence Does your heart lack empty ambition? Does it lack anger and fear of death? Do you pardon your friends? Are you becoming kinder and better, with old age approaching?

Really really like that quote, really need to keep working on it, so grateful to be in a place where i am willing to see the possibilities. 

Perspective

I keep coming back to this idea, courtesy of Tolkien that how we see the world, colors everything. 

I love how he describes that they had a chance at destroying the ring..becasue the idea would never enter Sauron's mind...

CS Lewis plays with the idea as well, both as Aslan takes Edmund's place but also in Screwtape where the main characters find it impossible to understand love.. especially unconditional giving of oneself..

For me it describes how Jesus managed to get His enemies to put him on the Cross, for the greatest surest victory ever imaginable.

In the last few months mind games have coloured my world, shaken my perspective, shaken what was good and beautiful and true...

Time to refocus, time to remember.
 

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you. (Philippians 4:8-9 ESV)

A Messy room, the start of a morning ...

not my mess, a room that's been used and left uncleared before a class on Sunday morning,

left by someone - well someone I'd rather not deal with,
 because there is a bigger mess sitting behind it,
 one I can't clean up..
 I know I've tried

It takes a while to get past the need to clean it,
The person who left it well they would encourage me to have left it spotless,
barbs amongst the paperwork

and

Then as grace breaks through the equation,
the realization that it is I that need to say thanks for all the messes I leave behind that His grace covers.

Funny as I head out for my walk this morning the mess behind the mess seems clearer, thanksgiving, truth, grace

 ...God is always Good.

In Christ all things work together for Good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.

This is Amazing Grace

We come to faith, assured that in Jesus our sins are forgiven… that He has taken on his shoulders the punishment of everything we have ever done… and that if we believe we will have eternal life… 

but as I sang"This is  Amazing Grace" during worship at church a few Sundays back I came to realize there was another side to this…if he took all of our sin…he took all of the sin that others have directed our way, he took their sin, the stuff that hurt us along the way… the stuff that has sat heavy in the background of my life, and of your life, was also taken on deck by Jesus in our place 

And in return he gave us Himself

…this is amazing grace… for me this was one of those ah-hah moments… 

I knew that God wanted me to repent of my attitudes to those who have hurt me and forgive them, but sometimes that doesn't get any traction.  Many authors talk of the need to seek Jesus’s healing for the deep wounds because he loves us, but this was the realization that turned it all real, and made it make sense, he not only took my sin. but every wrong deed real or perceived directed against me…because he took my place in terms of what others would do to me as well as what I would have done to others, he took the pain...and left me free to take on board what He, my amazing totally good, unconditionally loving God would have had me receive from HIs hand instead.  

It made sense that through him  in the here and now there is healing for all the stuff we carry, and hide and use as a reason to not trust God.

This is amazing grace.