In hindsight I deserved the condemnation. After all I was being pulled up on my heavy-handedness in dealing with an ongoing, unsolvable and increasingly frustrating situation. Self control, desperately seeking wisdom, a willingness to try and discuss and explain hadn't managed to bring a solution, it only seemed to make the issue bigger. Maybe it was never my problem to solve. However, my reaction of frustration and anger created a bigger issue. An issue with no solution.
What brought the change - a friend started praying for our school year. Grace lead prayer that gave me the courage to admit failure and shame. Prayer that allowed the mess to be seen and solutions to be proposed. In another's prayer I found the strength to know that it would be safe to open up, to talk, not for condemnation but to have a way out, a way forward and a fresh start. Grace and Mercy.
The fresh start will take time, I have to remind myself that time and a willingness to take time out are part of the process. But it remains, without my friend's prayers - I wouldn't have opened the door. Prayer builds relationship. Not only does it let God into the discussions, but it give security, grace and understanding where there otherwise would be fear and condemnation. It changes both the prayer's heart and the person prayed for to align them with God's will, grace and purpose.
